Animal collective:
An eclectic style inspired by the concrete jungle. Colorful, wild, and free with earthy undertones.
Animal collective:
An eclectic style inspired by the concrete jungle. Colorful, wild, and free with earthy undertones.
You are not ugly, society is.
As a child I was taught to love unconditionally, smile endlessly, and to never stop believing in yourself. But as I grew up, I was greeted with hatred. I realized, unfortunately, that love is conditional. I learned that smiling ends. I saw that sometimes, there is not much to believe in. I had a beautiful vision in my mind growing up, I thought that people would bloom and grow, influenced by the sunlight given from friends and family, but most importantly by hope. But in this world there is abuse, betrayal, suffering and words. We retain these words in the most vulnerable parts of our being and any moment those words could crush us and we could be left with a lifetime of attempted recovery and the pain of what a simple word has caused. I myself have given in to the disgusting trap of words and have nothing to show for it but regret, because what starts in anger only ends in shame. Some people have the incredible ability to overlook this darkness that has consumed our light, but for most, we are just a product of our enviornment. Society is truly a trap, and for all of this I want to say I am sincerely sorry, because someone owes this world a fucking apology.
Daily thoughts:
Sometimes I forget just how much there is to love in this world. In this city, we tend to believe that people were the only things made to love. In actuality, the most beautiful things in life are not tangible, but instead, perceptible through our senses. I have made the same mistake devoting my heart and soul unconditionally to people and in return, I was happy or I was hurt, but nothing has ever given me so much pleasure as what I have come to feel and realize in every day life. As I sit on my balcony in the perfect weather of california, I could be looking at my school, thinking of how thankful I am that I was blessed with such an incredible opportunity and often that brings me happiness, but today I am just feeling what it is like to be alive, what it is like to sit here in this moment in perfect weather and I realize I will never have this moment again, but to me that is beautiful. I remember growing up, I constantly did this. I lived on the sudden desire for knowledge in any form. As a child, my head was always in the clouds. I wasnt concerned about what people thought of me, or of other insignificant worldly complications. All I did was breathe in, breathe out, smile, and I loved in the purest form. That is all that I was, I was just simply alive. Growing up I have strayed from the fearless, free-spirited child that I was and became obsessed and corrupted by my surroundings instead of existing in harmony with them. But for now, all of the challenges in my life can wait because just for a moment I would like to indulge myself in my life and the fact that I was created for that purpose alone. Life is just too short to spend your time dying when you could be living. <3
Daily thoughts:
Like many, I have spent most of my time soul searching. But it seems I never have asked myself the right questions. I have let societal standards define me. I have become a product of my environment, but what if my environment was a product of me?
Below I have a list of questions that I have asked myself, and If you would like to, please send me your answers because Id love to see how this effects others. If not, atleast ask yourself them, you might be amazed.
1. What can you do now that you couldn’t do last year?
2. What has been on your mind consistently?
3. Right now, in this moment, what do you want most?
4. Out of everything in your life, in order of importance, where would your happiness rank?
5. What one word best describes how you have spent the past year of your life?
6. What is your #1 motivator currently?
7. in one sentence, who are you?
8. When you die, how would you like to be remembered?
9. If you had to move a state away, what would you miss the most?
10. Who makes you feel good about yourself?
11. What makes your best friend, the best friend compared to others?
12.What has the fear of failure stopped you from doing?
13.What is something you have always wanted since childhood?
14. What made you realize that life is short?
15. What do you NEED to spend your time doing?
16. What issues do you continually refuse to confront?
17. What is something people do that you disagree with?
18. what is a common misconception people have about you?
19. What is something Noone can take away from you?
20. What memory always makes you smile?
21. if not now, then when?
22. What have you done that you are truly proud of?
23. What is something you recently learned about yourself?
24. What one thing do you want to remember forever?
25. What could society do without?
26. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would that message be?
27. What have you done that you said you would never do?
28. What didn’t last forever but was still worth your while?
29. Do what I say, or do as I do?
30. What questions do you most often ask yourself?
<3 Madison
Respect & love.
The other day, I was streaming my church service online and heard one of the best theories having to do with a modern relationship. This may come as common sense to some but can be eye opening for others. The man spoke about how when men and women fight, it no longer is about leaving a door unlocked, hanging out with the opposite sex, staying out late, etc. SO what is the issue, when the issue is not the issue anymore? He then told a story of a women who complained about her weight and her husband bought her a diet book, they had been having some trouble so she went out and bought him another marriage book. The woman felt “he doesnt love me unless im skinnier, im not acceptable” from the book, the husband felt “she doesnt respect me, she wont respect me unless i change into the person she wants me to be. but what he really meant was “you are upset, let me help you” and she meant “I love you and want this to work, lets try something else.” Then he switched to how, right before his father died, his father said to have a good life, a husband must LOVE his wife and the wife must RESPECT the husband. You see, women are born loving unconditionally, we step towards the man we are fighting with as a sign of trying to understand them, we complain to connect. But unfortunately, men see this as disrespect so they try to step away, not to block her off but to do the honorable thing and drop it. When women see a man walk away we think they do it because they dont care enough about us, about the situation at hand or about what we have to say. So when a women and a man want to work out, he must show her he loves her and she must show him she respects him. Awesome. I understand guys a little better now thank god.
I will let nothing bind me.
I won’t let the past remind me.
I will let happiness find me.
You choose your happiness, its the biggest contest between pride and will power. My parents brought me up to be strong and smart, my God taught me to be patient and kind, and I taught myself to know my self worth. Nothing will ever tie me down because I refuse to sink.
This is what I want. Plain and simple. someone to lean on, and someone that needs me. One day I will move into a beautiful hard wood floor apartment with the man I love and he will let me have a little dog and decorate the walls with whatever I feel that week. He will build forts with me, we will dance to old records, he will try what I bake even when its disgusting, and he will love me for all of the crazy ideas I come up with.
Resolutions:
In the year of 2011, my life was completely enveloped by insecurity. This was insecurity with myself, my wants, my capabilities, and what california had in store for me. I was a bit timid, with a bitchy shell to hide it. I was scared that I couldn’t measure up to any standards. I was often unhappy, empty, and in search of something substantial. obviously I didn’t complete a metamorphosis between 11:59 and 12:00 but I can say that I have changed from 2011 to the beginning of 2012. I am the type of person who is constantly trying to better themselves so I decided that I would set a few goals that are of the most value for the year of 2012. This is what I have decided upon:
1. Quit being destructive. - The pain is not in being attached, it is in being DEtached. I need to learn to give more of myself in love and actually let it take its course.
2. Work harder - in school and in my friendships.
3. Appreciate more - and stop letting opportunities pass me by.
<3 xoxo
Daily thoughts:
One day, when I am feeling spontaneous, I will leave what I know. I will learn what I don’t, and I won’t stop until I am satisfied. That day I will watch the sun set in a way I’ve never seen, I will walk on ground I have never felt, and I will breathe for the first time. That day my heart will agree with my mind, and my mind will conform flawlessly to my soul. I won’t rest my pain on any person, any substance, any object, not even on myself. I will live purely in what is new, only for that brief moment. But that one day can keep me continuing on forever.
And this is what life looks like with Depression:
You wake up = wish you didn’t = begin the day.
Being awake hurts = you sleep = the only time you find peace.
Someone makes a joke about you = you believe its true.
You hangout with friends = feel selfish for not enjoying it = bad self-talk.
Room is messy = A reason not to leave the house.
You make a mistake = Youre not good enough.
You feel full = Youre fat.
Mirror = how can I make myself perfect.
Trust = too much responsibility.
Love = too unworthy.
Relationships = Happiness won’t last = Why try.
Dreams & ambitions? = forget it, you don’t deserve it.
Existing = pointless.
Life= overwhelming.
Wake up the next day and repeat.
I need to get back to the person I used to be.
Welcome to my closet, where everything has its place!
Daily Thoughts:
Goodness, it is such a beautiful moment when you realize that the person you were fighting for wasn’t truly who you were fighting for. I am so done with being a slave to my emotions, I am finished being defined by how people make me feel. I was never this person before I got here and I have never been weak. I realized that I am worthy of being loved the way I imagine love to be, and that I am not selfish for wanting it. I believe I am who I am through God, and I have come to find that I was not meant to live my life based on what I feel or what I see, but on the big picture of my purpose of living. I will no longer hold my breath when I feel wronged or settle for less than I deserve, because I would never give anyone less than what they deserve. Happiness is obtainable by anyone. I am choosing life, I am choosing to be happy, and I am choosing to give myself what I need because no guy has ever given me the beautiful things that I have given myself. I am worthy, and so are all of you.
Day in the life: FIDM
So, tomorrow is going to be my most jam packed day so far.
- I am going to wake up bright and early at 7, get ready, pack up my FIDM bag and head to FIDM for my trends class.
- at 9 We are leaving to go to the Alexander Mcqueen: Savage Beauty exhibit at LACMA.
- then I rush off to my first day as an intern of Taylor Jacobson. (formerly on the Rachel Zoe Project) I am so stoked for this experience.
- then after an afternoon of shlepping garment bags and what not, I go to my computer rendering class at 6 to design a wedding cake display fixture in digital imaging.
It is easy to say tomorrow will be a looooong day but I love this life, and it is worth every second. More to comeeee.
Daily thoughts:
Take me back to what I know; Family dinners and country roads. When nothing in life was more beautiful than the sky and we stayed up late only to run through the grass. Take me back to being my daddy’s baby, when he could hold me when I cried and everything was alright. When I could dance with my mom in the kitchen and laugh until we cried. I want to be amazed by everything I see and share it with my siblings. I want to experience God for the first time again and be thankful for every new experience I had yet to come. Id give anything to go back to the days when my heart was pure and untouched by reality. Please just take me back.
